New Year...New Goals.

We are two weeks into 2013 and I have been very busy. I have some pretty significant events occurring in my life in 2013 and I have been spending a lot of time getting ready. I am looking forward to the opportunities, but know there will be challenges ahead.

As I think of the new year, I think about the tradition of making resolutions. The idea of making and breaking resolutions has become a bit of a joke in our day and age, and it probably makes a lot of people not make any resolutions. However, a study by the University of Scranton published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that people who explicitly state their resolutions are 10 times more likely to meet their goals than people who don't explicitly state their resolutions. That's huge! If we don't know where we are going, it is unlikely we will ever get there.

Courage to Live

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin

This is one of my favorite quotes. It isn't long, but it says a lot. Each day we are faced with opportunities and we can either shrink from them or take them on and expand ourselves. Our growth comes not from succeeding or failing, but in the act of taking on the challenge...either way we grow.

Recently I asked a friend this question: "What is something you could do at any time that you don't because of fear?" I think this is a valid question for each of us to ask ourselves. We don't have to wait for some big opportunity to come by in order to grow. We can start with the things we have the opportunity to do everyday, but choose not to do because of fear. What can you start with today?

Inspiration

I was on my way home on Sunday when Felix Baumgartner was taking his historic free fall from the edge of space. I pulled over and watched the jump on my phone. Since that time people have posted online and mentioned in person that they were glued to their televisions for the jump. I thought about that for awhile. What is it that drew people in?

I think as humans we identify with people who are willing to try incredible things. Even though it is the individual accomplishing the feat, in some small way we all feel a part of the event. It stretches our potential as a species and as individuals. We may not become inspired to jump out of a balloon 24 miles above the earth, but we might become inspired to tackle a task in our own lives that we thought we had never thought we could accomplish before. The cool things is that often when we accomplish those things in our lives it inspires others to do something as well.

My Mom, Strangers and Chance Encounters

Today I went out to lunch specifically to find wifi access to do some work. I was in uniform and an older gentleman walked by on the way to the restroom and said "Hi, Captain." The fact that he referred to my rank let me know he was probably prior military. I said "Hi" and went back to work.

About five minutes later the same gentleman came back by and reached out to shake my hand and thank me for my service. He then explained that he was retired from the Army and had served in Vietnam. He sat down and started talking.

I have to admit that my first thoughts revolved around why he was sitting down and that I was being interrupted from my work. Then I thought about my Mom and how she never met a stranger. Some of my earliest memories are of being out shopping with my Mom and standing there while she talked with people she hadn't known prior to that moment. To be honest again, back then my thoughts often revolved around why we were being held up by this stranger and that my fun time was being cut into. My perspective has changed in the last couple of years.

My Mom isn't able to do those things anymore because she has begun to exhibit symptoms of Alzheimer's. The once bubbly and outgoing person I knew has become fearful of new situations and isn't able to carry a conversation. I share this just to say that when I first realized this about my Mom I was very sad, but I realized that I could be sad about something I can't change or honor her great qualities by trying to be more like her.

So back to today. I made the decision to relax and just go with the flow. We spent a good deal of time talking about his service and his life. It became very obvious he was lonely and felt comfortable talking with someone who wears the uniform he once wore.

I learned that he buried his mother in July, just three months after burying his 35 year old son. I learned about his experiences in Vietnam, as well as his homecoming. I also sat and listened as he shared the stories of the things he and his buddies used to get into when on pass.

You know what? I enjoyed talking with this stranger. I was also glad that I was able to listen to someone who needed to talk. When he left he said, "Goodbye. I enjoyed the talk. By the way, my name is Ken." How ironic.

Passion

What's your passion? I was asked this question a number of years ago and I found myself not being able to give an answer. It was disturbing to think that I couldn't come up with an answer to such a question. I was certainly very busy in my life, but was I busy doing things about which I was not passionate?

Life is short. You only have a certain amount of time to spend. Its like currency. None of us have inexhaustible bank account. If you do, give me a call. If we spend all of our money on things we don't really want, it leaves us with a sense of emptiness. If we spend all of our time on things that we don't really care about, it also leaves us with a sense of emptiness.

What are you passionate about, and how does it relate to your purpose? Janet Mock in her blog at janetmock.com shared what she calls a Passion-Purpose matrix. It sounds complicated, but it really isn't. It's actually very simple:

1. Write down everything you're good at.
2. Write down everything you enjoy doing.
3. Write down everything that makes you feel as if you're giving back, anything that gives you a sense of purpose.

Mock wrote, "from those three lists, look for the thread that makes them similar, the common theme between all three and highlight those similarities." It is among those similarities that you will find the cross section where your talents, happiness and purpose meet. You'll find your passion.

It's not quite over once you find your passion. There's this little thing called doing it. I think the biggest danger to pursuing our passion is comfort. We have a tendency to live our lives in a state of comfort. Even if we don't really like what we are doing, we do it because it is familiar and doesn't challenge us. In short, we know we can do it...there is no fear of failure. It reminds me of the last two lines in Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb":

The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

What's my passion? Relationships. I am very passionate about developing meaningful relationships. When I look at life, I don't see much else that is important. Money is spent on things that go out of style, rust away or get thrown out. Accomplishments are fleeting. You are the hero one day and forgotten the next. Its the relationships in our lives that can truly last forever. We are all on a journey through this life, and it sure is a lot more enjoyable to share that journey in a meaningful way with others.

I have spent the last six years in a doctoral program for the very purpose of helping people to strengthen and repair relationships. I have had to learn how to repair some of my own broken relationships before I could ever help others. When I perform a mediation and two opposing sides leave with a restored relationship, I feel a sense of purpose. I hope to spend the rest of my life trying to figure out how we can all live together in a more peaceful and meaningful way, and helping others to do just that.

What's your passion, and what are you doing to tie it to your purpose?

PM Update

Just for the record...I still got nothing.

Holla!

I haven't posted for a couple of days, so I figured I would give a shout out to anyone who may happen to be reading this blog. I also don't want to break the habit of logging in here and writing.  I spent much of last week dealing with the topic of death in my life. I spent four days in a suicide intervention training and then turned around and had to notify a family of a death on Saturday. Needless to say, it was mentally and spiritually taxing. Saturday night and Sunday I focused on living life. Death is a reality for all of us. We need to take each day as a gift and enjoy it to the utmost.

That's all I have for now. I am not feeling particularly insightful today. Perhaps I will be inspired later on.