Overwhelming Sadness

Have you ever had emotions that were buried deep down, and that you thought were behind you, explode from deep within you like a volcano? Today is that day for me. I am here taking a training on suicide intervention. The training is phenomenal and is the best thing I have ever seen for intervening in someone's life. That's the good part.

The bad part is that seeing the videos of people who have tried to commit suicide and just talking about it has dredged up sadness I thought had long passed me. I am having a hard time putting into words my feelings. All I can come up with is that every fiber of my being feels like curling up into a ball and crying. It hurts down into my soul. 

Why? I have been reminded of two friends who committed suicide. I have been reminded of the good and the bad. I have been reminded of the loss and the pain. Most of all I have been reminded that two friends felt so alone that they saw no other alternative than to take their lives. They felt that alone and yet I was supposedly their friend. I can't even imagine how despondent, desperate and alone they felt...right up to the moment they died. When I imagine how they felt, I am overwhelmed with sadness and I just can't shake it.